So 2015 is going and it's another year in a blink. I decided to leave a mark for this year, just so I can remember.
Jan - June: On no pay leave, enjoyed being a SAHM with Liam despite the challenges. Wanted to take a whole year off and give tuition instead of working full time but it didn't work out. Had all sorts of plans for Liam during this time with him (basically feeding plans) but somehow the plans didn't carry through. Oh wells. He's not that cooperative to begin with and having to manage a toddler and a baby just forced me to take the easier way out.
After realising that tuition is not the option (Liam has to spend lots of time with my mum), I decided to go back to work full time and send Liam to infant care. I have grown to enjoy the time away from the kids without feeling guilty. With Hugh, I used to rush straight from work to pick him up so that I could spend time with him but with Liam, I enjoyed having me time. I attributed this to having a reliable childcare to takeover my motherly duties for a little longer (while I recharge). But deep down, I know I'm just being a lazy, selfish mum, and I still feel darn guilty about it. It's very sad how time just whisked past and now he's already 17 months. Where did it go?? I didn't spend as much time with him as I would love to and regretfully, I made that choice. For the past 6 months, his life during weekdays was mostly with his teachers. All I did with him was just car rides, bedtime routines and then off to school again. Big sigh. Typing all these out really pierces my heart.
Ok, let's talk about the husband for a while. He has changed a lot for us and I could see how much he's trying for the family. Although his need for sleep still annoys me to the max, the fact that he has grown so much as a father and a husband is sufficient to make up for it. Finally, I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. :)
And now as I look ahead to 2016, I see another hectic year which revolves around my work and the kids. I hope that I have the strength and the will power to carry out whatever I'm supposed to do as a mother, a wife and an employee. I hope that I can make the right choices and set my priorities right. I have enough regrets to last me ten lifetimes so I really, really want to avoid adding to the list.
So, cheers to 2016, to a better year, with hope and happiness. May I be a better mum and wife, a more filial daughter and of course, world peace! HA
PS: I'm still secretly dreaming of becoming Miss Universe. Yea right.
