Things I'll Never Say

Check this out. She's absolutely gorgeous! Someone teach me, please? ;P

Censorship

It's really not quite possible to treat this blog as a diary when I know that people will be reading it as and when they like. I become very mindful of the effects that may arise after reading my posts. That's when censorship in my blog begins. I play around with what I genuinely want to type out in my head countless times, and more often than not, end up saying things that are not quite me but safe.

So why can't I just say whatever I like and truly feel? Self-consciousness, a preoccupation with oneself.

See, it's working again. I just backspaced a whole chunk of words. *shake head*

I'll be back with another post later. Maybe.



I love Sociology...because it's the only thing that makes sense right now.

A bona fide

I've been wanting to blog properly since 2 weeks ago but I had to organise my thoughts first, lest I say anything I don't really mean.

I don't think you know that I'm referring to you even if you're reading this. In fact, I hope you don't know that I'm referring to you: I can't help but wonder...do I really mean so little to you? I thought our friendship was something more than that. Now I think, I was just being naive. And it hurts to realise that I've been so naive all along, to have trusted you so much. I don't blame you for how things had turned out, because none of us had wanted it this way. It was unexpected, right? What hurts the most...is how you had reacted. You didn't care. Period. But do you know something? If the same happened to you, I would have been there for you. Just because.

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To another you: I've seen the ugly side. Thank you very much for everything. I could never have learnt this in a better way. It was definitely a much needed lesson. Especially for a person like me.

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Lastly, to you, whom I know will forever be there whenever I need you:
I'm sorry for the wrongs that I've done.
I'm sorry for all the pain that I've caused.
I'm sorry.

A penchant for it

"........But yes, that's it. He's just too bloody nice to me and I'm bored." With that Emily's eyes widen, and she claps her hands over her mouth. "Oh, shit. I can't believe I just said that."

"I can't believe you just said that either. Emily, most women I know would kill to find a man like Harry. He's kind, he's funny, he loves animals, and he adores you. I'd kill to find a man like Harry, for Christ's sake."

Emily makes a pained face. "I know this sounds terrible, but I'm sure if he was a bit more of a bastard I could fall in love with him."

"You're serious, aren't you?"

"I know, I know. It's dreadful. I am a disgusting person, but if he's ever a bit off with me, or doesn't call when he says he's going to, or I think he might be flirting with someone else, then suddenly I'm interested again."

An extract from To Have and To Hold by Jane Green.

Exhilarating

It's the second time that I've graced the treadmill this month. I used to hate it. Running used to give me painful stitches in secondary school and I only ran when I'm forced to. But due to circumstances (80% belongs to the weather), and in order to not forgo my exercise regime completely, the alternative has got to be the gym. And I must say, I'm impressed! So all those years of skipping and swimming does help. I mean, of course it does, just that I didn't know it has such an impact on my stamina until I ran. :D

Resilience

1. the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
2. ability to recover readily from illness, depression, adversity, or the like; buoyancy.

People amaze me. But I amaze myself most of the time.



More than enough.

A few things..

1) My hair is at a length where it's neither short nor long. It's at the length where it will make me look like Betty Boop if I don't do something about it soon.

2) I lost my thumb drive.

3) I'm sad that I lost my thumb drive.

4) My computer has ZERO songs. Yet, I'm too lazy to download everything again.

5) My wisdom tooth/teeth seem(s) to be coming out. But it's been like that for years now, so when is it really coming out. Note that it's a sentence and not a question.

6) I'm starting to like Facebook.

7) I love my job.

Yay!

Many people are coming back this month. Just by the thought of it makes me happy. *Grin* You, you, you. Can't wait! *Grin wider*

It's the last week of school (for the kids only) so it doesn't mean that my holiday starts next week. Teachers still have to go back for workshops and meetings. But yes, I'll be free. Do book in advance to avoid disappointments. Lol.



Thanks for making me a fighter.

Circles

Remember I had a post titled 'dark circles'? Well, it was referring to 2 things. The dark circles under my eyes and the dark circles in my heart. I don't know if any of you managed to figure that out. If you did, congrats. You've figured out me.

And so this time round, the 'circles' represent something too. Something more drastic. Should I just say it out?......................................Oh heck.

I admit. I'm in circles. Really circles. Many many circles. They're in my head and around me. I'm stuck. I want to get out of this. I need to escape from this. I'm struggling within. I know I'm beating myself up and I should stop it. But each time I thought I had, it comes back the next moment.

When? How? I don't know. Or maybe I know but there's no way to make it happen. For the time being. There are options.

But the key's not with me. Or so it seems.

The end of the 1st week of Nov

Somehow, this month is going to be a significant one. But first, updates!

My voice has fully recovered. I suppose it has been back for quite some time already, just that I never realised. I'm glad, yet disappointed at the same time. There goes my sexy, husky voice! Greedy, ain't I? Haha. Never satisfied. Sexy voice, I complain. Normal voice, I also complain. :P

Work. All the marking frenzy is over and now is just the miscellaneous stuffs; finalising the results, ranking and preparation for AGM (who doesn't know what AGM means? tsk tsk...how can you not know something that Yuni knows?). Then, there's the annual dinner at Jumbo Seafood Restaurant (*rolls eyes* but no choice, my school can't afford a high class hotel) and the theme is Denim/Flower Power (*rolls eyes once more*). Well, actually there were several themes to choose from and 1 of which is Red Carpet Glamour or something like that. But because we're gonna eat at JUMBO, who the hell's gonna wear evening gown there right? So, hooray to Flower Power.

Oh, before I forget, just wanna mention the excursion to Science Centre on Wednesday. I felt like a nanny cum tour guide, and discovered that kids seem to have no recognition of being 'full'. They can eat and eat and eat, and still wanna eat. They really have a way of making you spend money on them too. Pics - gonna be on my multiply. And know what? I really love cheeky boys. Haha :P

I think I'll frequent St. James. Seems like that's where I'll get invited to nowadays. It's been a long while since I danced the night away in that place on Kim Seng Road. Don't get me wrong, I still want to do that (in fact, I badly want to do that and it's funny how I don't seem to outgrow that activity while people around me are upgrading), but I don't have the chance to. Sad, isn't it? Thus, my room shall become my dancefloor whenever I feel like dancing properly without having to frown at aunties/uncles waving their arms in Dragonfly and awkward people at Boiler Room.
Sy: I know you're hot but please try to be less of a uncle-killer. I don't enjoy entertaining them. Lol.
Wc: Your 'lao da' is really quite cool, huh. Hahaha.

I love using brackets and italic. :) Oh, looking at the smiley face I just created, I've a question. Why do some of you put your smiley face this way (: ? Aren't the eyes supposed to come before the mouth? Mmmm...

An epidemic

There must be some kind of virus this year. People around me have been down. Casualties with varied injuries.

See, I really think it's the age. It's not just me. We're all learning hard, aren't we? It's a matter of how we handle them, to sort out our lives and discover things. Can I say that we've reached some point of maturity, finally?

This 'quarter-life crisis'.

Silvia: Be strong. I'm here whenever. Talk to me, soon.
Jing: You're getting over it. Keep it up!

And many more people whom I wanted to mention but guess that they don't read my blog at all, so I shall just keep my wishes for them inside.

Muackz: ks, sy, phoeb. What would I do without you guys? :D Love ya all to bits!

Dear Fran, if you're reading this, don't worry, I'll update you soon. Muackz!



Maybe all it takes is just a different perspective.

you

i don't understand what's going on. u wanted it to be fair to me but all i can see now is u're being so unfair...u've locked us both. y can't we? y can't u see? i need to talk to u....


but i'm so afraid...

Flying Without Wings

This is a beautiful version.



So, impossible as they may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete

4/11/07

I'm currently fixing my comp while working on my sis's laptop. Finally got the time to fix it...it's been down with the damn Trojan horse virus. I hereby apologise to those of you who got infected by me; hope not many of you are were as dumb as me and opened the file. :/

It had been another busy week that has passed in a blur. All the paperwork and stuffs...come to think of it, I'd worked abt 11 hours everyday, for 2 consecutive weeks. And guess what? I don't mind it at all. Not a single bit. A thought even occurred to me yesterday when I was on the way home: It's not a bad thing to be working 7 days a week. It's like, I was kinda sad that I don't have to work during weekends. What's happening to me?? It's either I really love my job THAT much, or I'm trying to do something here. Subconsciously.

23. No, not about the movie but how difficult this age has been for me. The age of realisation and navigation. The age where you start to really think about the future, get cynical and lose the naivety. Maybe it's because I've been too protected, too sheltered and now I'm out there, trying to gain a foothold in whatever's out there. I'm frightened and overwhelmed. I'm trying to understand why things are the way they are, tried to see things with what little knowledge I have and come to realise that I can't. There's so much more to learn and experience. I've finally stopped looking back. I no longer wish that I was still 14, when everything was simple and sweet. I see the long journey ahead but can I say that I've prepared myself for it? As much as I want to, I don't think anyone of us can ever be really prepared as no one knows exactly what is in store for us. We just have to take it with open arms and comfort ourselves by knowing that as we move along, we'll get better and better. It's just like the feeling of getting punched repeatedly. On the first blow, shock and pain surge through your body. The second blow hurts as much as the first, but by the third blow, your body will be more or less accustomed to it that you're sorta expecting it. The following blows will just feel numb.



What am I supposed to expect?