Nowadays, when I look at my dad, I always feel that slightest bit of heartache. I wanna go over, put my arms around him and say "I love you". I love to see him smile yet I don't get to see it often. I wanna make him happy yet I don't know how to, other than fulfilling his wishes as soon as possible. I worry about him, the way he worries about me, yet I don't know how to express my care and concern. I wanna take care of him when he's sick, pamper him with massages, accompany him more when I still can. So, why do things turn out so differently?
I remember how he used to carry me on his shoulders whenever he comes back from work. I remember how angry he was with the maid when I slipped and fell down hard on the butt because the floor had just been mopped (I was warned but I ran across the wet floor anyways). I remember how he immediately brought me to the doctor's when he saw my badly wounded knee (I was chasing after bus 135 when I tripped in front of everybody, my face barely an inch away from kissing the ground. I was 14.) I remember the foot massages he gave me when I was sick during childhood, in a bid to make me sleep. I remember how pained he was when I was heartbroken for the first time. I remember ...
When did this closeness end? When did we become so shy towards each other? Is it because I'm no longer your little girl?
I flare up whenever my mum bullies my dad. I feel that strong urge to protect him and stand up for him. Eventually, for trying to show my love for my dad, I behave nastily to my mum. I feel guilty for being the daughter that I am.
Dad, come what may, I will always be your little girl.
What a cheesy post.
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1 comment:
Sounds like we're getting too old :P
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