Tuesday

Highlight:
Theft in classroom.
Interrogated 2 girls - they can really act.
Eventually confessed after an hour and countless threatenings.

Are kids even kids anymore?

Lowlight:
Washed my car. I procrastinated for too long and as a result, the bird shit has left a mark on my paint. Damn.

Immersed

My phone has been totally quiet today. There were neither calls nor sms. Usually when this happens, I'll feel sad and lonely. But maybe because I was so busy working and not expecting any call or sms, it seems natural.

Just got home from work. Phew. I should really be reimbursed with the money I spent on red pens.

I'm so gonna sleep early tonight.



Serenity

Dark circles

A decade ago, I used to cry whenever they quarrelled. I would hide inside my room, afraid to go outside as though the voices were monsters. I would just be listening to the screaming voices. Paralysed, for as long as the quarrel could last. With every pause, I would hope that it's the end and prayed. With every start, my heart would sink and sometimes, I just forget to breathe.

Half a decade ago, I started to feel numb. I began to wish that they were living separately. I couldn't see the point of them staying together since they seemed to hate each other so much. I would be glad and relieved if my sister wasn't at home when it happened. Because then, she wouldn't had to go through what I went through. I started to prefer staying out late so that the chances of me hearing the screaming voices were reduced to a minimum.

Now, I'm numb to it. I'm just plain glad that my sister is away. I laugh at how they can argue about such trivialities. Unwittingly, they have shaped me into what I am today. I run and hide, as it's always easier. I hate arguments and I will do anything to make things alright, even if it meant self-sacrificing. I asked myself why and realised, it's because I want to mend other cracks that I think I can, because there is already a crack that can't be mended.

I remember

the car rides
'You and Me'
the talks at that taxi stand
the phone calls
the sms-es
the anticipation
That hug.
The kiss.
'Irreplaceable'
Sentosa
Airport
first picture
'Home' hokkien version

and many more...



Can we?

Disenchanted

'Stardust'. A fantasy film with a happily ever after ending. The thing about fantasy is, 'it replaces an accurate assessment of the world with images that substitute desired ideals or feared projections for such an assessment' (Ryan and Kellner, 1988).

I've been really busy with work. Working hours for the past week: 7am-6pm. It's all marking, marking and marking. Guess what? I kinda enjoy being this busy...for the first time in my working life, I don't complain when I've to OT. In fact, I willingly stayed longer than others to complete my work. Responsibilities. :)

Ok, I shall type more when my brain can function better. I just woke up and I slept at 6am last night.



Que sera, sera

The Light

It's another new week and I'm determined to make it a much better one than the last. I must stop wallowing in whatever I'm wallowing in presently; for the sake of people around me and most importantly, myself.

Been reading a distant friend's blog (she's considered distant as we both know each other but we don't really know each other...if you know what I'm talkin about). It's comforting, yet sad to know that there's someone else going through a similar (if not worse) phase, and she is keeping herself together. It makes you feel that what you have on hand now is really no big deal. In comparison, that is.

I would really love to type out the things which she said that struck many chords in me, but I suppose it would be too depressing and I already said I'm gonna stop wallowing in whatever, right?

And so, happy thoughts! I need a new bikini! I was swimming yesterday in my good ol' turqoise bikini when I realised,"Woa cannot make it...elasticity absent." Therefore, unless I wanna repeat Janet Jackson's episode, bikini shopping is a need.

Next on my shopping list: wallet. My current one is good, just that it's a little dirty. It was a gift from the gang for my 21st and I can't bear to part with it. But Phoeb's been complaining and since I've been using it for 2 years now, I think I can do with a new one.

Lastly, I would like to complain about my SGH-U700. The touch screen is really getting on my nerves. The functions are getting on my nerves. The only thing that pleases me is the way it looks. With so many nerves acted up, I am having the thought of reverting to my N7373. Practical, no?

Lalala

Wow, a week has flew past just like that.

'The Brave One'. An absolutely fantastic movie. Jodie Foster. No one else can bring out the emotional turmoil and inner struggles as flawless as her. One of the scenes which can't get out of my head: She was sitting at her porch smoking when her neighbour saw her and said," Smoking kills you." And she replied,"I don't care." Basically, she couldn't find any courage to continue living normally after her fiance died (you gotta really watch the movie to understand why she couldn't move on). So her neighbour said,"There're alot of ways to die. But to find a way to continue living....that's hard."

I predict my day ahead to be quite entertaining. It's been a long time since I have 3 activities to choose from in a day, with more than 3 different people. Hmmm. It's indeed flattering. LOL

Another rainy day

I'm trying to remember when is the monsoon season for Singapore and as far as I can go to whatever is left of the geography department of my brain, October shouldn't be having such high level of precipitation. So I guess, our Earth is really dying.

Had a very nice time with Sy and Phoeb last night. It was a much needed girls' night and I wish we can do it more often (of course not about gloomy stuffs all the time). We spent like, 5 hours talking? I finally see the benefits of having 24hr Mac's around...it's where you go when you just wanna sit down and talk and can't be bothered to go to a nicer place. But I still think that eating Mac's for supper is the worst choice ever.

I realised that I have not blogged about my sexy, husky voice at all...been too preoccupied with other things. I lost my voice last week, all thanks to the class of monkeys. It sounded totally horrible and I was really croaking. I thought I should get it back by this week but, it's been a week and I still sound raspy! I seriously think that this is gonna be permanent. Damn.



It's been 3 days since I last heard from you.

Blue

It's been raining almost everyday, twice a day. Cooling weather and usually, I enjoy rainy days. Watching the rain is one of my favourite activities..of course when I've nothing better to do. But I've always liked the rain. Unlike some people who find rainy days troublesome, I enjoy holding an umbrella and strolling under the rain. BUT, when it's really heavy rain, a thunderstorm, when even having a humongous umbrella doesn't help, I don't like it. In those instances, I would much prefer to stay at home and hide under my blanket.

This week is a very free week for me due to PSLE marking. Working hours: 8am-1pm. I know many of you envy me, but I would rather be busy this week. Time just crawls and it's really tortorous.

Why do humans do the things that we do? What exactly govern our actions? Past experiences? Intuition? Feelings? Emotions? Rational?

What do you do when you realise the things which you should've realised sooner?

The Fact

You invade every inch of my thoughts. No matter what I do, it's you.

Suddenly, everything else doesn't matter anymore.

I really hope we can pull through this. I really, really want to.

Clarity

It's all too clear to me now.

So how?

Apathy...If only

I know I haven't been really blogging. Uploading videos doesn't count. I wanted to continue just uploading videos to express myself, cos it's so much easier, but I realise that I can't. I need to pen down my thoughts.

I can't forget your words. Maybe you said it out of anger or maybe, you were just preoccupied with your own feelings. But it hurts like hell. How could you?

All I wanted was to make everything ok again. We were doing great, weren't we? Things were just starting to fall into place and I was happy. Yet, that had to happen and you said there was nothing we could do to better things. Do you really mean it?

I'm learning alot. From trying to understand you, to a point where I thought that I've finally understood. But in fact, what exactly are you thinking? Does it matter so little to you that you are willing to let it be ruined?

I had so much hope...so much faith. I let you in to where no one has ever been. I let my defences crumble. I did try, tried so hard to leave myself with some cover. But......Now I know why I've never allowed myself to get so far before.



I wish you could see.


I looked away
Then I look back at you
You try to say
The things that you can't undo
If I had my way
I'd never get over you
Today's the day
I pray that we make it through
Make it through the fall
Make it through it all
And I don't wanna fall to pieces
I just want to sit and stare at you
I don't want to talk about it
And I don't want a conversation
I just want to cry in front of you
I don't want to talk about it
Cuz I'm in Love With you
You're the only one,
I'd be with till the end
When I come undone
You bring me back again
Back under the stars
Back into your arms
Wanna know who you are
Wanna know where to start
I wanna know what this means
Wanna know how you feel
Wanna know what is real
I wanna know everything, everything
I'm in love with you
Cuz i'm in love with you
I'm in love with you
I'm in love with you

Valen Hsu - Hao Ting

One of the singers whom I listen to during childhood. She's back after years of hibernation. And guess what? Backstreet Boys are back with their new album too. Lol. (No, I'm not BSB's fan!)

How to save a life

The Fray - How To Save A Life

'Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life'

October

September has ended and October is here. Realisation of the day: I'm beginning to prefer working than rotting at home.

I think of the time when I was just giving tuition a few months back. I enjoyed every minute slacking at home, just being entertained by a certain nut on MSN.

It's different now. Much has changed. I see the joy in working now, and the boredom in slacking at home. Perhaps this feeling is caused by missing someone. Having too much time on hand is quite detrimental now.




It's alot...